John is Live!

John is live and here is what I do:

Snarky Movie Reviews is a website devoted to the movie that all baby boomers (and everyone else) should know.

The Bonsai Seed is a website devolved to learning the wonderful hobby of Bonsai. Bonsai is raising and style trees in pots.

The SQL Press merges structured query language and WordPress for optimal updates.

Creepy Americana is The latest in bizarre happening and events in America.

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The Republican Ghost Dance

The Republican Ghost Dance

Each time the Republican party is beaten they call for more conservative values. The organization seems to be going through a Republican Ghost Dance. One of the classic study elements of all anthropology students is the ghost dance/cargo cult. While examples come in a multitude of forms from various cultures the all have similar elements. If the cultural distressed people perform a dance or ceremony or act in a certain way their ancestors will rise up and deliver the good life or sweep their enemies from the land. One of the most intriguing ghost dances or cargo cults, as they are sometimes known, took place in the South Pacific following World War II.

Many of indigenous people of Micronesia helped the USA and our allies defeat the Imperial Japanese. They say the massive amounts of water material, or cargo coming in from the USA and being shipped to the front. They were promised that they would be rewarded for their help. After the war, the Americans were gone and there was no cargo or work for the islanders.

The groups begin to form cargo cults. The basic premise was that if they returned to their traditional ways, and acted correctly, the ancestors would return on ships laden with cargo.

GOPer Paul Ryan

GOPer Paul Ryan

Ghost Dance movements have a long tradition among the Native Americans of North America. When the Europeans destroyed their culture and livelihood through, disease, war, and theft, the people sought a reason why they were treated this way. The answer was often presented by a new prophet that demanded they return to their traditional ways. In some instances, if they danced and believed correctly bullets would not harm them and their ancestors would return to sweep the whites from the land.

Since 2008, every four years I watch the Republican Party try to understand why they lose the presidential election. In 2012, they commissioned a report to determine why people of color, other young people, and college-educated people are turning away from their party. But every time, they come to the conclusion that they need to go back to old values, be more conservative, bring back Leave it to Beaver, and get rid of the foreigner or anyone that does not look like them.

This behavior is very reminiscent of the ghost dance. They feel if they were just more conservative in their values, a white majority would come and sweep the non-GOPers off the land/away from the polls and a proper president would be delivered for the dancers.

November 2016 Update

I hope the lesson the Republican learn from Tuesday, November 8th is that they need to be more strict in their political practice. They will need to continue to push the darker skinned people away and wait for the return of the white ancestors. When they had their last self-examination after the 2008 drubbing they learned nothing. I pray they keep on doing this until the GOP is replaced by the Greens. And I don’t mean aliens.

Cargo Cult

Cargo Cult

To the Republicans – Keep on dancing, brother.

11/9/2016 – Well writing this obit, I didn’t think it would be for the Democratic party, but it is. So be in. Most of use have walked around today like duck hit in the head with a 2×4 and that is ok. When the sun comes up tomorrow morning it is time to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and get busy. I think it is time to double down on liberalism and do some of our own ghosting dancing. So what I propose is very simple. My candidate for president in 2020 is Elizabeth Warren and for VP Tammy Duckworth. Win, lose, draw, or go the way of the dinosaurs we need to go down fighting for what we believe in. No more main stream middle of the road candidates (I love you Hillary). We must press the liberal agenda until it squeals. What can you do? 1) Stop feeling sorry for yourself, 2) talk to more people 3) make more calls for your candidate, and 4) give more money to the party.

For inspiration read this article for Mother Jones.

Southern Slang is a Dying Art From

Southern Slang is a Dying Art From

Those of you that know me well understand that I spend a good deal of time trying to return southern slang into everyday verbal and written communication. I have been known to turn a phrase when talking about a politician by saying – he’s so crooked they will have to screw him in the ground when he dies. I worry sometime that this colorful part of Americana is dying out as less practitioners pass this to the next generation each year.

One of my favorite things to do is make money trading stocks. It’s one of the only real places I have ever made a lot of money except when I was a bail bonding agent. But bail bonding is way too slimy a way to spend your time. The other day I receive an email from the company where I have my trading account. It was all about using the language of the stock market to sound like you relay know what you are talking about. The terms on their face sounded really interesting and I wonder if I could turn them into new southernisms.

The first term they mentioned was Dead Cat Bounce. In the stock market this is term for when you have lost all your money and when the stock hits its bottom price; it jumps up a little to give you false hope of recovery. This is based on the premise that if you drop a dead cat from high enough it will still bounce. How can we use this for southernisms? I’m think this could be related to crashing and specifically in an aquatic environment. Like – Did you see Randy come off that tire swing? He hit the water so hard I think he did a DCB!

New they had the term All Boats Rise with the Tide. Of course by now we have heard politicians use this to justify supply side economics. The stock market assumption is that when prices go up event the poorer performing stocks will rise a little as well. Given the floods and hurricanes that have been plaguing the south in the recent years we might have to change this one a little bit. Something like – Jeff’s bass boat has a leak so I hope all boats rise with the tide. If not we gonna have to get on the roof.


A whipsaw is an old fashion saw that two people alternate pushing and pulling. They are most often seen adoring the walls of quaint country restaurants that will soon be out of business. In the stock market this is when a stock suddenly changes direction. I have to be gender neutral on this one so I will say an example would be – when you saw Cletus wearing nothing by a pair of overalls, she did a whipsaw. However any shocking event would work.

Catch a Falling Knife

Catch a Falling Knife is the equivalent of accomplishing a spectacular feat in the stock market like time the bottom price of a stock and getting out before it is too late. To me, this term immediately screams stupid. Like – he is dumb enough to try and Catch a Falling Knife. Like whipsaw this term has a lot of upside potential.

Rubber Band

Rubber Band in the stock market is when something is stretched out and you are expecting it to snap back to its original position. This term could be used in several situations like – when she said she was leaving it really Rubber Banded his face. Or that crash really Rubber Banded my fender but it doesn’t look like it’s going to snap back.

Short Squeeze

A Short Squeeze in the stock market is when you get caught holding a position and it goes the wrong way. Of course the possibilities for this term are pretty obvious. An example would be when the two women walked in Bubba was in a Short Squeeze.

So I urge you to add colorful southernisms to your writing and speech. Try to work in at least one a week. If you do it more often than that people will think you are a redneck simpleton. If you do it in every phrase they will revere you as a redneck Buddha. So I hoped all boats rose with the tide but the water put us in a Short Squeeze. So we climbed on to the roof. My brother was playing catch a falling knife when he took a DCB off the house. Momma did a whipsaw and her neck brace snapped around like a danged old Rubber Band.


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